Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Being A Daruma Doll

I confess that I have not practiced in several days.   No Zen, no chanting the Heart Sutra, no Metta meditation, no yoga.  Nothing, nada, zilch.  So why blog about this?  It's my way of pushing myself back to the yoga mat and makeshift zafu.  I figured maybe the knowledge that someone will read this will somehow pressure me to practice again.

Although now that I think of it, this effort of blogging for the sake of motivating myself to sit zazen could be better used to actually sit zazen.   Still, I'm here typing so might as well make the best of it by continuing.

The thing about Zen practice is that even when I'm not practicing that is still considered a part of the practice.  I'm not trying to rationalize or excuse my lack of practice, by the way.  It is inexcusable for me not to practice because I only need to sit Zen for about half an hour and there are twenty-fucking'-four hours in a day.  But this struggle to motivate myself is also the practice.  Because when I miss another zazen session and tell myself, "Tomorrow I'll do it" or "later I'll sit" THAT is what I need to practice with.  When I feel lazy I need to practice with that.  When I catch myself berating myself for not practicing, that is what I need to practice with.  So no, I'm not talking about making excuses.  Quite the opposite, actually.  I'm talking about constant practice.  I'm talking about constant living.  About constantly putting one foot in front of the other.  And about falling down and getting up again and again.  I'm talking about being a daruma doll.

That's enough writing for today.  Time to practice.  As always.

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